the other endings

Well clearly I am long overdue for a blog post.

It’s actually funny because what I’m blogging about today is something I’ve referenced to a while back, and I thought I had gotten it completely out of my system (I swear I did!). But seeing the whole situation happen elsewhere and seeing it end differently can really can make a man think, and so I have to put them down on paper.

Definitely one I could frame

Definitely one I could frame

So for those who know, I’ve been doing a few interviews lately. It’s been an interesting experience, kind of fun but also pretty stressful. One of their favourite questions seems to be: “What is your greatest weakness”.

Girls with attitude. Clearly my one weakness.

Girls with attitude. Clearly my one weakness.

Such a loaded question.

Truthfully, I know my greatest weakness is overconfidence. But I never say that in an interview because it seriously sounds so cliche.

It's funny but I have actually used this exact same image in a past blog to denote my greatest weakness as overconfidence -_-

It’s funny but I have actually used this exact same image in a past blog to denote my greatest weakness as overconfidence -_-

Well, looks like years later, my greatest weakness is still my greatest weakness. Maybe someday I’ll learn…

This time, I just wanted to reflect on a situation where I seriously thought I was doing the right thing, thought I was so clever and had thought out all the possible scenarios and decided upon the best one. I had even talked it over with a very close friend, just to get an outside perspective.

I find that while I am bad at many things, one thing I’m good at is rationalizing things, whether it is to convince myself or other people. So between the two of us feeding off each other, I was ever so convinced I was doing THE RIGHT THING.

my problem isn't a hesitance to do the right thing, but my perception of what the right thing IS.

my problem isn’t a hesitance to do the right thing, but my perception of what the right thing IS.

What ended up happening here was I had overlooked one possible outcome – because in my mind, it was so astronomically unlikely and actually could be perceived as somewhat morally ambiguous IN MY OPINION. And so I completely discounted that scenario and went ahead with my planned course of action.

And I was content with me. I mean, obviously it wasn’t a happy ending or anything, but I perfectly executed what I set out to do so I couldn’t be anything but pleased.

PLEASED CAT IS PLEASEDDDD

PLEASED CAT IS PLEASEDDDD

Then I got the unique experience of seeing my whole situation occur to someone else. Obviously there were differences, but more parallels could be drawn than differences. As an observer, it was much easier to be objective, and yet in assessing the situation, I felt that the right thing for that person in that situation was to react like I had.

Fortunately he didn’t. And the situation, which started off so similarly to mine, ended up resolving so differently than mine (much better!).

And then I came to a realization – that I am far from omniscient and that my overconfidence is actually keeping me from maintaining the openest mind that I can. I rationalize my actions well, which ends up causing me to discount things, ultimately making me miss out on important possibilities.

ALL DEM FEEEEEEELS

ALL DEM FEEEEEEELS

So here’s to keeping an open mind.

Here’s to a year from now, I can blog about my greatest weakness and NOT use that same image.

May the bridges I burn light my way.

pz out for now

21 days: day 4 – forever alone day

WOW I am tired. As I type this now, it has been a rough day. Today, we had our first IPFC final exam (for our professional courses, they come in 6 week modules so today was module 1’s final). Spent the day studying and doing practice finals, and then 2 hours later, I did the actual final. SO if you think about it, I actually did multiple finals today :P.

annnnd today is valentines day too -_-

❤ Happy Valentines Day <3! It is a day where if you’re in a relationship, you’re scrambling to figure out what to do for today. Or you’ve got it so good together that you can just chill today and you know it’ll be an awesome day as long as you two spend it together (I’m jealous of ya).

Are you a fan of SAD?

If you’re single, then today is actually Singles Awareness Day – a day where you look around and chortle and congratulate yourself for dodging the relationship bullet (the hassle, the money, the emotions), but then in a secret moment alone – you secretly envy them. Or you’re the club-hopper type that just uses V-day as a free pick-up pass.

"Ya know ma boy Vinny left, so in his honour I got it in with a girl ma man Vinny would have got it in with ya know?"

Either way, this Valentines day made me feel like “yeah, I’d like to be in a meaningful relationship“. But at the same time, it also made me feel like I wouldn’t make a good boyfriend at this time – still not in the right mindset, I think. But the flip-side is, how does anyone know that they’re actually ready? For me, I’d like to approach every relationship with the mindset that maybe, this is it. I suppose that’s why the Victor Test is highly specific AND highly sensitive 😛 (no type 1 or type 2 errors here!).

some of the numbers don't really work out, but hey it's still cute

Anyways, random rambling on Valentines Day aside, 3 things I am grateful for today:

1) Pharmacy Class of 2014. After writing long and challenging exams, I always feel a sense of solidarity when we reassure each other of how we did, and rejoice/crash and burn as we recount what we did for some of the long answer questions (tau of 24 hours curse you!!!! So tempting to pick a dosing regimen of qd -_-). I can honestly say that our class is so diverse and chill that it is a BLAST being part of Rx2014. Not to mention we’re an entire class of good-looking students too (credits to LC for this one :P).

we even have a korean popstar in our class too! 😛

2) Indulging in mad unhealthy food after an exam. The brain is notoriously selective in its usage of solely glucose (and ketones too but that’s minor) as the main energy source. Which explains why I was famished after the exam. It felt so good to indulge in chicken nuggets, pizza, and chicken pie while watching the Jeremy Lin show on live stream (vs. the Raptors, check out his buzzer beater game-winning shot!) after the exam. Sometimes, letting go just feels so so good.

I’m pretty sure I jumped out of the chair and did a mad victory dance after he hit that shot.

3) Coffee. $1.10 large coffee at the school caf (if you bring the school mug). 3/4 coffee + 1/4 hot chocolate + 3 cinnamon hearts from people’s candygrams = tasty + effective study snack. Good thing I only discovered coffee in pharmacy school, because if I’d discovered it at McGill, I’m pretty sure my growth would be super mad stunted.

Positive experience of the day – since today is Valentines Day, the building that I live in organized a small table in the lobby filled with treats and goodies, and people (mostly the seniors in the building) cook home-made stuff and bring it down to share. As I was passing by, a nice old lady saw me grab some banana bread, and told me to take more because I was a growing boy! I guess I look young =).

A nice song to end my Valentines Day musings on.

pz out for now. I am mad tired so gonna hit the sack. see you tomorrow.